Tuesday 29 June 2010

60 Second Movies... Part 1

Anatomy Of Hell

ANNOYING FRENCH PONDERER (FEMALE)
I am a woman. Look at how delicate and precious I am. I'm going to kill myself in a toilet.

HOPELESS FRENCH PONDERER (GAY MALE)
What is the meaning of your suicide? Perhaps if I stare at your hand on an angle, it will prove artful?

ANNOYING FRENCH PONDERER (FEMALE)
You hate me because I'm a woman.

HOPELESS FRENCH PONDERER (GAY MALE)
But... we just met! You have no basis for saying that whatsoever!

ANNOYING FRENCH PONDERER (FEMALE)
Who cares? This is avant-garde. Watch me when I'm unwatchable.

AUDIENCE
Is that a metaphor for this movie?

ANNOYING FRENCH PONDERER (FEMALE)
Try and resist me. I'm a woman by the way. Did I mention that?

HOPELESS FRENCH PONDERER (GAY MALE)
Yes, several times. In fact i'm going to shove a gardening implement into your vagina just to shut you up for a few minutes.

ANNOYING FRENCH PONDERER (FEMALE)
I'll see your implement and raise you a marble rock. How artful.

HOPELESS FRENCH PONDERER (GAY MALE)
You're incredibly interesting and not in any way a narcissistic, philosophical, pompous bitch. Despite the fact i'm gay, lets fuck.

AUDIENCE
This is literally insufferable.

ANNOYING FRENCH PONDERER (FEMALE)
Now you have given into me my feminist cause is complete.

HOPELESS FRENCH PONDERER (GAY MALE)
You're right, and i've just realized this film is really homophobic.

ANNOYING FRENCH PONDERER (FEMALE)
Yeah, i'm pretty much one step away from being a Nazi. Now drink from this glass of water, which contains a used tampon.

HOPELESS FRENCH PONDERER (GAY MALE)
Hey, why not? It's a Friday!

He drinks the liquid and then they fuck again, in an incredibly unneeded explicit manner. There will be blood.

HOPELESS FRENCH PONDERER (GAY MALE)
Well now you've wiped me of my identity, so i'll be off.

ANNOYING FRENCH PONDERER (FEMALE)
Okay. And we've all learnt something... right?

AUDIENCE
We'd rather have endured a collective acid enema.

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